why do i want to cheat on my boyfriend

Cheating On My BF Was The Smartest Thing I Could've DoneWhy do people want to caress? A psychiatrist explains to the Urge, even for people in love It can be hard to understand why people get the urge to deceive their other significant. Even if you find yourself in this situation, you may not know why you feel the need to cheat, especially when you love your partner. So, is there a psychological explanation for infidelity? Elite Daily spoke to Dr. Susan Edelman, and author of , to get the trap down. "There are many psychological reasons why a person has the urge to cheat, but the best explanation is that Bill Clinton used to explain his adventure with Monica Lewinsky. He said he did it because he could," says Edelman. She explains that some people who cheat have childhood problems that make them feel unworthy of love and fear of intimacy, so they tend to avoid being truly intimate with their partner. Another possible explanation is that they might have problems with sexual addiction or have problems with narcissistic or sociopathical personality, according to Edelman. If you feel the urge to deceive someone you love, there are many ways to lessen temptation. "Recognize that you have the power to resist the impulse," Edelman says. The first step is to consider the actual consequences of the trap. You should be fully aware of what might happen if you act in your wishes. "Eating is very likely to damage your relationship with your partner, your children and your image of yourself," says Edelman. "Once you cross the line, it could be easier for you to cross it again and create a pattern. "If you can, avoid seeing the person you are attracted to. Or, at least, try not to find you alone with them. To say that you can be friends will only prolong your temptation, according to Edelman. It can also help you talk to a friendly, comprehensive friend or family member who wants to help keep you from fooling. Telling your partner about your desire to cheat can be surprisingly useful, and it's much better than really cheating. "Although it can be very difficult to do, it will hurt your partner less if it's just an idea instead of dealing with the real act," says Edelman. A couple may rebuild their relationship after infidelity, but it may take a long time. "It can take years for the betrayed companion to consider the idea of forgiveness," says Edelman. "Recovery requires a mourning stage and partners trying to understand the factors that led to the trap. One of the best strategies is to get a good couples therapist to help you through the process. "If you have a problem with the serial trap, it is important to get the help you need to have an intimate relationship. Start by being honest with yourself and admitting you have a problem. "Otherwise, you're likely to hurt a lot of people in the process and you're also damaging your trust," Edelman says. It is well to experience temptation. If you act with your impulses and betray your partner, however, it is when problems really begin. In case you cheat, knowing whether or not to tell your partner can be complicated. "If you don't plan to make it a habit, spreading your partner the pain could be the best course of action if you really want to stay with them," says Edelman. "But if they suspect and ask you for cheating, don't complicate your problems by lying. You don't want more than one reason for them to have difficulty trusting you. "If your partner is likely to know about your adventure or if you feel that your relationship with them is over, telling them it is the best course of action, according to Edelman. There are several reasons why people get the urge to deceive, from the simple fact of convenience, to more serious problems with intimacy, sex addiction or personality problems that should be worked with a mental health professional. If you remember the importance of your relationship and the consequences of cheating don't help, try to talk to someone you can trust in the temptation you're experiencing. Take a look at the entire Gen Why series and other videos on Facebook and the Bustle app through Apple TV, Roku and Amazon Fire TV. Take a look at the entire Gen Why series and other videos on Facebook and the Bustle app through Apple TV, Roku and Amazon Fire TV. Look at the stories like that! Don't miss anything with the Elite Daily newsletter.

Advertisement Support How do I stop wanting to pet? A reader loves his boyfriend but he misses other men. Is it better to get clean to your partner, or suppress your feelings forever? By Cheryl Strayed and Steve AlmondDear Sugars,My two-year-old boyfriend is brilliant, supportive, generous and not the little jealous. We are sublimely compatible, the envy of our friends. Sex is amazing too. Someday, when I'm ready, I'm gonna marry him. My problem is I have to fight the urge to cheat him all the time. My libido is incredibly strong, but what I long for is seduction: sensing one another through the room, visual contact, playton, that first touch electric on the knee or shoulder that lasts a second too long. It wouldn't be so hard to resist if it wasn't eternally confronted with an abundance of willing partners, all of them sexy, reliable (in terms of not telling anyone, anyway), and most of them married. I find it enormously difficult to reconcile with the reality of not experiencing that seductive dance again. For my astonishment, I have so far resisted these impulses. Can I trust my moral compass forever, or am I a Cosmo far from disaster? Should I consider the shocking and destabilizing possibility of an open relationship in the context of my monogamous relationship, or do I simply commit myself in silence? Do I seek therapy or catarsis? Is this normal? Wanton WomanCheryl Beech: I think you are "a Cosmo far from disaster", if by disaster you mean to act on your wishes. As I wrote in my book "Tiny Beautiful Things": "You can't fake the core. The truth that lives there will eventually win." And you, Wanton Woman, right now, in this relationship, are faking. So let the truth win. You love your boyfriend, but you lose the restrictions that your relationship with him imposes on you. You see a future with him, but you want many other men in your present. Tell your boyfriend these truths and see where he takes you. It could be an open relationship, it could be a break, or it could be that the two of you talk about what they really long for in their erotic lives and find a way to get it while they're monogamous. The value of such a conversation is not only that it is a good idea to be honest with your partner, but also because it is miserable to pretend to be or want something you are not or not. The kind of agony you're experiencing right now rarely disappears by itself. In most cases, there are only two ways out of it. Either you bring a disaster for some kind of reckless behavior, or you tell the truth. You'll be much better in the long run if you find the courage to do this last. Steve Almond: I mean a quick word about your signal. In short: I think the adjective "wanton" is a patriarchal trap, which has long been used to stigmatize (if not criminalize) female sexuality. Don't fall for it. Your sexuality belongs to you and anyone else. Your job is to own. That means, as Cheryl suggests, to be honest about your wishes. Making silence is hardly ever a good idea. Our impulses don't go away because we ignore them, after all. They become loaded from spring with the strength of our suppression. You have to talk to your wonderful boyfriend, the one you tell us is not the least jealous. But before I do that, I urge you to identify exactly what your wishes are. You want to participate in sexual acts with other men? Or do you want to participate in the initial stages of seduction? There are many people in their situation—people who love their partners but also feel compelled to seek erotic energy from other sources. There's nothing more normal, frankly. The challenge for you is to be in front of your impulses. Deceit will cure a happy relationship much faster than a high content libido. Listen 'Dear Sugars Live': The Great Reckoning CS: You already understand that it is the 'Seductive Dance' that you long more than sex. Like Steve, I encourage you to examine him more deeply. What is that dance, after all, but a tremendous claim that one is attractive, longed for, temporarily powerful and possibly loved? Maybe the sexual care you receive from men serves as a proxy for your self-esteem. That was true for me when I was in my 20s. At that time, I had what you had now: a man I loved and a deep desire of a multitude of other men to make sure that I was special when I closed my eyes with me through a room. I thought it was the label you'd been given, Wanton Woman, but now I understand I was wrong. I wasn't the one I wanted. I was hungry. I had a hole to fill, and I wasn't in my pants. To find out, I had to let go of the man I loved and eventually the crowd of seductive men too. Maybe that's true for you too. Your conundrum on men in your life can only be answered once you more resolve the riddle of yourself. SA: One thing we know about ours is that long-term monogamy always invites a paradox. Intimacy is based on familiarity and repetition, while desire thrives on novelty and the unknown. That's why you feel that special electricity when you flirt with someone new. As Cheryl points out, these wishes may be trying to tell you that you are not ready to settle. But it is also possible that you and your partner can find a way to integrate your wishes into the life you share. This may involve changing the terms of the relationship, and/or finding ways to inject a sense of adventure and mystery into it. To do this, I recommend reading Ester Perel's wonderful book, "Mating in Captivity", which argues that traditional monogamy does not have to be a death sentence to its erotic imagination, not even a prison. Your boyfriend may be fine with you exploring your sexuality. But the possibilities are, their feelings will be more complicated, and they will be asked to make some decisions about what they are willing to sacrifice. The only way to know is to confess the content of your heart. You two have some decisions to make. I urge you to do them together in a spirit of love and respect. AdvertisementSite IndexSite Information Navigation

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